Ever have one of those moments where it seems the universe has resorted to having to scream a message at you that you were doing your best to ignore? Today was that day for me.
Like many of my Frolic 100 articles, I often start with the prompt “What do I need to hear most right now?” and I did so today. I literally write it out on my Word document, and had those words staring at me from a blank page as I waited for inspiration.
And then all of a sudden an audio message appeared through my Messages app, from my friend Shermain, whom I am creating a once-in-a-lifetime transformative experience here in Toronto in October. In the message he shared how much I had already impacted him, and he got specific on how his business has changed, how he proposes to clients, directly informed by some ideas I had shared with him. He went on that he was now sharing these ideas with other people, and the ripple of impact was radiating outwards.
And I found it very interesting that as I sat here looking at those words all of a sudden I received a message of the evidence of the impact I make on other people.
“Impact” is a category I rate myself low on that I want to improve, and in this moment I asked myself why do I think that?
Because here was Shermain giving me tangible evidence of how his life has been impacted by me, and how that was then impacting others. And I do receive messages like that regularly. I still get fan letters, decades later, of how my music and raves impacted a generation of people. So much so, they write to me today to tell me so.
And it makes me wonder – am I rating myself so low because I’m comparing myself to other people? And the answer is, of course, yes.
This is something I’ve already written about – comparing myself against a billionaire. I’ve literally already written about this, and I’m still caught in it. I just looked it up – I wrote that article only a month ago.
I’m comparing myself to impossible standards, and made up ones. Some metrics are easy to measure, like money generated, books sold, or Followers, but how are ripples measured?
I rated myself a 3/10 for “impact” – but why? That’s a good question I need to answer. It’s a visceral feeling of an answer. The more I challenge myself, the more I see how unfair I am to myself.
What if this low self-rating is some sort of defense mechanism? It’s not a reflection of reality, but a way of keeping me small because I’m thinking I’m small.
The evidence is out there, and always has been, and yet I keep comparing myself to games I’m not even playing.
And maybe Shermain’s message was the answer to “What do I need to hear most right now?” How much more clear does the universe need to get for me to let it sink in? I wrote those words and that message from Shermain showed up.
Hell, maybe this is THE most important thing I needed to hear most right now because I’m repeating a habit that I documented only a month ago.
What if the answer for rating the impact I make was actually bullshit? What if I paid attention to the actual evidence instead of clinging to a story that I’m not impactful and need improving?
What if I changed my narrative from someone who “needs improvement” on making an impact and instead leaned into the fact that I’m someone that makes tremendous impact?
What if this self-criticism is me wrapping myself up in a warm, familiar blanket? One I have difficulty letting go of, because thinking of myself this way is… just… so… comfortable.
That feels embarrassing to admit.
What am I afraid of by admitting I make more impact in the world than a 3/10?
That it’s easy, and I feel lazy. There has to be more “work” involved. I still live with shame that I don’t “work” hard (and I know that’s my father’s voice that still haunts me).
I wrote ANOTHER article also only a month ago about redefining impact. I wrote all these articles because I continue to wrap myself in a blanket of a story that I’m lazy and I don’t make much impact.
That’s bullshit.
First step is to ditch that self-critical blanket and re-evaluate my 3/10. With evidence this time.
Wow. I didn’t know this was where I’d be going when I asked my question.
What do YOU need to hear most right now, and what’s at stake if you continue to dismiss these answers?
