Dealing with complicated emotions

I’ve been dealing with complicated feelings lately. It’s this idea that while people out there are struggling, unprecedented unemployment and uncertainty, that at the same time I’m in a good place, emotionally and financially. I actually feel like I’m thriving.

As someone that’s gone through tough times in the past, I’ve always prepared myself for the worst. I’ve never shaken the fear that I could lose everything. That meant I avoid debt, because of my fears of carrying it, and I put away money just in case something happened.

Mostly, that “if something happened” was fueled by fears that it would be my fault. Something I did or created or had a hand in failed or ran its course and ended. I’ve been in that position multiple times in my life. If I can’t stop that from happening, the second best thing I can do is prepare myself for the period that follows.

And here we are with covid-19. Not caused by my hands, but I’m prepared for it.

That has meant this pandemic has affected me less than the typical person. I’m not applying for any sort of relief or programs because I don’t need them. I don’t even know what is out there and available because it’s a waste of my time to look it up when I have better things to focus my attention on.

I learned at a young age to never expect help. That’s a sad lesson to learn for a child, but it set me up for the hardships I’ve gone through in my adult life. No one is coming to save me.

If no one is coming to save me, then it’s up to me to save myself.

And here is where this script gets flipped. The world is best served by the strongest version of me.

It’s better for everyone that I am in a strong place, especially while others are struggling. That is where I can make the most impact.

The world needs optimism and creativity. We have to invent a new future, and people like myself have important roles to play.

During the last few months I’ve connected with more new people than I have in a very long time. I’ve created new business ideas and invited people to explore them, I’ve connected with my blog readers, I’ve continued the important self-work that I started 2 years ago, and I’m learning how to empower others through my energy and enthusiasm.

Maybe no one is coming to help me, but what can I do to help others at this time?

I can share these thoughts on this blog. I can share my gifts and expertise. I can bring the most powerful version of myself out to play and impact others.

I can also share with others who are also dealing with complicated emotions while they are also thriving during this pandemic, that they aren’t alone.