Many years ago when I was still DJing I was waiting to be picked up at the Arrivals section of Chicago O’Hare Airport. I was standing by the driveway where cars picked up the waiting passengers. Beside me was a teenage girl and her mother. They had a few suitcases, coming back from who knows where together.
As I waited for my pickup, a car pulled up in front of the mom and daughter. A man got out. Balding. Slumped. Just seemed… so sad.
But the scene got even sadder. This man went to the trunk and opened it. The mom and daughter put their luggage in and got in the car. The sad man got in the drivers seat, and… drove away.
There was no interaction between the man and the mom and daughter. This was 20 years ago, so this was not an Uber or private car pickup.
In my horror I realize I just witnessed a terribly dysfunctional family. There was no greeting between them, no love. The daughter did not acknowledge the father, following the lead of the mom.
It was so sad the sight of it scarred me for life. I’ve recounted this story many times, and definitely to my own family. I swore I’d never be that man. I’d never let the chain of events happen that resulted in that scene I saw that day.
Whatever happened to them started a long time earlier. I would prioritize my family, and never let that happen. I would take corrective action, and have, when caught in my own pits of unhappiness.
When I’ve found myself at crossroads, to take corrective action or do nothing, I’ve taken the action. To do nothing would over time make me into a version of the sad man I saw that day. Defeated and broken.
Last September I was returning from 4 days away and Robin picked me up at the nearest subway station to give me a lift back to our house. Our 2 kids were in the back seat.
“Hi Daddy!” I was cheerfully welcomed as I got into the car.
I thanked my kids for coming for the trip to pick me up, they could have easily stayed at home while Robin did the 10 minute round trip.
“I remember you telling me about that dad at the airport”, reported Connor. Connor was doing his part in not recreating that scene for me. Having a strong family bond takes effort and my kids have followed my lead. My kids could have stayed home, but they took action, and came for the trip because they knew it would be better to greet me in a nice way when I had been gone.
Some of my greatest lessons come from my own mistakes, but if I can learn from someone else’s, I’d rather learn that way.
This thinking has motivated Robin and I to go through couples therapy now. Not that we’re “in trouble” but that after being together for over 20 years, that we are both committed to making our relationship grow together, not grow apart. It’s been really helpful to expose the habits we’ve developed over the years of speaking to one another. Once exposed we can communicate even better than we already do. We both aspire to look back 5 years from now and see that we’re at a point in our relationship we didn’t even know possible today. Because we took action.
When you’re next facing a crossroads, with one option being “do nothing”, and the other being “take corrective action”, what from this story might help you take action?
