A colleague once offered some constructive feedback, they said “You sure want me to like you” in response to one of my posts. I can see why they thought it, I write a lot about myself, my experiences, the things I’ve learned.
The thing is, they had it wrong. It wasn’t that I wanted them to like me, it’s that I wanted to like myself.
Almost everything I write about for the Frolic 100 comes from the prompt “What do I need to hear most right now?”
When I write about myself, share my stories, things I’ve learned, I am emboldening myself. This developed as a strategy to overcome my imposter syndrome crisis.
Each article I write, I am making a case to MYSELF that I’m not a fraud. That I am powerful. I simply forgot that I was.
A lot I write I see as an invocation of my powerful self. I’ve learned how to pump myself up, by recognizing what makes me awesome (a word I love), and going there.
It’s not about tooting my horn and speaking of my accomplishments (although that is something I’m learning to do as well instead of dismissing them), but also about recognizing the things that actually make me great.
I’ve also learned, as I do this, as I write about these deep issues for me, it automatically invites the reader to reflect on how this might be true for them.
And here’s the really cool by-product of liking myself; When I like myself, or even better, LOVE myself, I don’t NEED anyone to like me. I can be polarizing.
Polarizing is not my intention but is a by-product of me showing up as my loving true-self. Contrary to that person’s opinion, it’s impossible for everyone to like me. I’m simply not playing that game. Polarizing by definition means you are repelling as much as you are attracting.
If I was trying to be liked, it would affect everything I write, as I’d be trying to please whoever I thought my readers were. There’s that old saying about trying to please everyone pleases no one. This keeps my life very simple.
When I was a DJ, I spun music most people actively hated, and yet if you put me in the right room with the right crowd, magic happens. I take a lot from that experience.
This is partly why I don’t participate in social media. It’s engineered to feed off everyone’s desire to literally be “Liked”. I didn’t want to have those metrics messing with my own self-image and self-love or stop me from saying what I think needs to be said. My solution was to create a platform, the Frolic 100, that is designed to be successful with a tiny amount of people.
And here’s another bit of truth that tells me I’m on the right path: When I created the Frolic 100 system, and automation rules that would automatically dump people if it was not noticing engagement from them, the numbers fell. I think it fell to 65 at one point. And there was still nothing more for me to do. I’d rather have 65 engaged readers than an email list filled with addresses with no one reading, if it means I get to keep liking myself first.
Where do you place yourself on the list of people you want to like you?
On January 3, 2022 I am making myself available by Zoom exclusively for the Frolic 100 for an “Ask Me Anything”. Click here for more details.
