A little over a month ago Covid showed up in my home for the second time.
The first time it showed up (from my oldest bringing it home from school), it wasn’t a big deal. This most recent time (my youngest bringing it home from school) was far more difficult. I was testing positive for almost 2 weeks, and dealing with flu symptoms which laid me out. My wife got it worse, with their symptoms so severe we ended up calling an ambulance at 3 in the morning, and they took Robin to the hospital. Robin’s heart was going nuts. At first they thought it was a blood clot, but ruled that out. Eventually concluding that their (Robin uses they/them) body is responding harshly to the Covid, and since Robin already had health issues, they are being exacerbated and there was nothing more to do other than ride it out. Every time Robin stands, their heart will surge 60 beats per minute (like intense workout, just from standing), causing Robin to get dizzy and risking collapse. Robin left the hospital in a wheelchair, unable to stand.
5 weeks later, Robin can’t leave the house without being in a wheelchair. We bought our own. Call it “Long Covid”. The hope is that this will dissipate over time. Hope is all we have.
I can be grateful that the hospital was quiet the night we had to go in. I can be grateful that Robin already has disability accommodations from their work, and can work from bed. I can be grateful that I have resources and built a life that allows us to weather bumps. And this sucks.
It also forces us to face some dark realities, like what do you do when your children have been the vector of Covid and are a threat to your own health? What happens next time? We don’t have an answer for that one.
This has been a humbling reminder that life can take a sharp turn at any moment. And sometimes there are no easy answers. I can maintain my hope, but I don’t want to pretend anything is better than it is, or fall into toxic positivity. Sometimes you eat a shit sandwich.
And I also know that is the truth for every single person in the world. No one gets through life without scars. Sometimes people might pretend, and social media creates a way of projecting a curated life (I’ll call it a “fake” one). And I know I can best serve others, even in this moment, by not pretending that everything is always sunshine and rainbows.
I can’t predict what will happen next, but today I was moved to share what’s going on. I’ll do my best to stay optimistic, and be grateful for the things I do have.
