I got myself banned from entering the US way back in the year 2000 (working as a DJ without a visa). Last year, after 22 years, I decided to try and re-enter. I had been invited to a leadership conference, and thought it was as good a moment as any to try. A few different people stepped forward with offers of helping me by connecting me with lawyers, and I thought “Great! This is how it’s supposed to go. I’m making myself open to receiving help from others, so I’ll let this play out.”
I really hoped some magical person who was perfect for me would show up and quite literally take my pain away.
For various reasons, all 3 offers died on the vine. The biggest reason was from the lawyers not calling back, and for me that is a major rule in deciding who I work with. My pain is only increased by having to chase people, not lessened, and in general is a bad omen of what I can expect to come. I simply move on and look for better matches.
With the already short window of time closing before my event, I decided to change gears and make a “Hail Mary pass” and simply answer the question of whether it was them keeping me out (US Government) or my old story and fear. I walked through the wall of flames, dealt with some tremendous terror, a sleepless night, being held for several hours by US customs, and then finally turned away. I answered the question: It was not my fear anymore, it was them.
And that was an extremely valuable lesson for me. In some ways, the lesson I needed at that time to learn. It also gave me a huge anchor moment of me facing tremendous fear. I will call upon that memory when I’m feeling scared to do something in the future to help me through.
So even though the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, it was still a positive experience, and then I put the issue to rest, for a while.
This leadership group will be meeting in the US again in 2024, so I had a decision to make. A legal solution is the only way forward now.
And I thought to myself “What’s the easiest solution I can think of?”
“What’s a solution that is not a perfect one?”
“What if it’s more important to take action, no matter what that action is?”
And with those thoughts I remembered that there was a legal office that specializes in US immigration that I drive past every single day while driving my kids to school. At this point I’ve driven past their sign hundreds of times.
I didn’t consider it before because I was waiting for “the perfect” solution to show up. I was fixated on finding what I perceived as the best, something expensive, people in a glass tower.
I decided to make an imperfect action, and in that moment looked up their phone number and called.
I was put through to someone immediately. We spoke, I shared my history, they felt confident they could help me, and then they said the most perfect words to me:
“We’ll hold your hand through this.”
My immediate response was “YES! That was exactly what I need, and exactly what I want.” The lady on the other end laughed.
I paid a retainer and signed engagement papers that afternoon. The very next day I was having my fingerprints taken for a criminal background check and things are moving fast.
There is some delicious irony here for me. The perfect solution I was waiting for was literally down the road from me but I was so attached that any solution had to be difficult. My pain (and shame) around this old story of mine was so severe I was only allowing difficult solutions to show up (which includes “Hail Mary” attempts).
I’m now asking myself where else in my life this is true?
Where in your own life are you clinging to things that don’t need to be so difficult and what imperfect action can you take instead?
