If 2019 was “My Year of Gratitude”, 2020 was my year of “What Scares Me?”. I continued to put myself in hot situations, specifically doing the thing that scares me.
It has gotten a lot easier over the year, and now because of all the benefits of each of those actions I’ve become addicted to doing the exact thing I’m frightened of. Only good comes from it.
The scariest moment this year was not when I made bold $10 million proposals, not when I did something for the first time, not public speaking with nothing prepared, not learning how to show up as my raw self in front of people. It was when I said these words to someone:
“I would like to be your friend.”
It all started one morning as I journaled, and I came to some very familiar questions. The first was “What’s Next?”, which was followed by “What Scares Me?”
In that moment I felt inspiration to reach out to someone. Someone I had been in a program with that had just concluded, and I knew there was high risk of everyone scattering into the wind. That would be the likely outcome unless I took action and did something scary.
In that raw and very real moment, I decided to record a short video. I shared with them that I had asked myself what scares me, and this is what came up, so I’m embracing the fear and saying “I would like to be your friend”.
I followed that with “I would like it if we could figure out how to nurture the friendship.”
The fear was at its peak just before I pressed “Send”. I could hear the voices in me saying “This is stupid. They’re going to think you’re stupid.”
The fear in me at that moment was intense. There seemed to be a risk of humiliation I hadn’t considered. This is different than a business proposal. I was risking being rejected on a personal level, and that is scary.
I wanted to pause and think about it some more. But I didn’t give in. I pressed “send”.
I sent the video.
Immediately I felt at peace. I was ok in that moment with whatever the response (or none), because I had taken the action. I was proud of myself in that moment, and that’s all I could ask of myself. I felt the fear and did it anyways.
I received a response almost immediately.
That person would tell me later they were so grateful I had done that. That my video felt like a gift. That they had had the same thoughts, but hadn’t acted on it themselves, and were grateful I had done so.
And months later I can see that we have a growing friendship, that is growing organically, and blossoming because both of us gave it intention. Having me as a friend takes more effort, because I don’t participate on social media. There has to be intention, on both sides.
I am grateful to have them in my life and so grateful I took that action that day.
I hadn’t intended it as a growth opportunity, but I came out of this so much stronger.
As I write this, it all seems so easy. I know it seems that way now because I’m on the other side of having done it, but I also acknowledge how difficult it is as adults to create new friends. I’m not even sure what I was afraid of, but the fear was real. Memories of past rejection (real or imagined), the fear is trying to protect us. The problem is the fear is actually harming us and preventing us from having these new experiences and connections.
So… what scares you?
Chris, these posts are so refreshing. And I love your very thought-provoking questions at the end.
I will commit to reading one post per day, sit in contemplation of the question you asked and journal about the answers.
Appreciate you doing it. Thank you.
Thank you, Tiago. Welcome to the blog.